Special...

So lately I haven't been feeling too well. I'm not sure why this is or when exactly I began feeling this way but it seems all to familiar...and that's what scares me. The last time I felt this way a few years ago and a few months after my grandmother's passing. unfortunately it started much like this and grew into something much more that I lost control over. I fell into I guess what you would call a depression. Its true what they say, you have to hit the very bottom before you can start climbing back up. The only good thing about it I suppose is it made me try and live my life more and made me love Janet Jackson all-the-more for the way her music helped me through it.

Its not unusual for everyone to have a down-and-out day every once in a while. We all have them when we don't want to be bothered and just lay around doing nothing. But there's a point where after so long you get bored of doing anything and fall back into your regular routine. It's when you start becoming okay with it is when the trouble arises. Its when you're doing nothing is when you have time to think, and thinking is always dangerous when you have skeletons in your closet that you have been ducking and dodging for most of you life. They finally come tumbling out on top of you and pin you to the ground. You get stuck and the only way out is to actually pick them up off you and look them face to face. That's the scary part.

When my grandmother passed and I experienced my first taste of heart-break my skeletons came jumping, leaping and doing cartwheels out of my closet. While I did deal with some, there were also some that I managed to avoid and push back inside. I think now they're forcing they're way out now. I'm to the point where I can feel the door being pushed against and watching the hinges come off. All the skeletons from all those childhood years up until now that I've constantly pushed behind me, hid in a closet or dodged is catching up and I'm running out of breath. I know it won't be long before I pass out and they all dogpile ontop of me. Hopefully I'll be able to find my way out. ♥ ♥